We have been back from vacation for a couple of weeks now and are trying to get out of the whole "vacation" mode that we were in. We had a fantastic time and I will try to post a few pics of the trip for my faithful blog viewers. :) The only thing that stinks about vacation is coming home from it! We had gorgeous weather in Orlando with highs of 80s and even 90s. Always bright and sunny. But lo and behold, when we landed in Chicago on our day back, it was a freezing 45 degrees!!! Absolutely insane. I wanted to go back on the plane and turn right back around. Actually while we were on the plane in Orlando, the pilot told us what the temp was in Chicago and there was a huge "groan!" from everyone. haha
After getting back from vacation we have just been busy busy. Getting back into the routine of things with work and house stuff. Just this week I feel like things are finally settling down and I am not playing "catch-up" with everything.
One of the hard things of getting back to normal is remembering why we wanted to go on vacation in the first place. A respite from the craziness of the past few months and the disappointment we went through. Getting back to normal means looking at the future and feeling an overwhelming sadness that things are not turning out how I thought they would. To be honest, last week was difficult for me. I saw one of my friends who got pregnant the same time I did and she has progressed into her second trimester. She has a little belly and shares of what she is going through. It is very difficult to hear at times just because I am reminded of where I would've been if I hadn't miscarried. Everyone is excited for her and asks how she is doing, but no one remembers the one who lost a baby. I am not trying to complain as I am happy for her, it is just hard when I am still dealing with my own pain.
This has been one of the most hardest tests I feel I have been put through. I am trying to really learn to be content with God and God alone but I struggle a lot in that area. My sinfulness likes to get in the way. I am praying that I can be joyfully content in this situation and not let my sinful emotions overtake me, self-pity, jealousy, anger, etc. Its hard to figure out a balance of what is a normal righteous grieving or waht is a sinful emotional reaction. I just pray that I can grow and learn from this experience and I kinow I will because it has been promised to me in Scripture. On the outside I might be happy and all smiles but there is a lot of hurt and grief hiding beneath. May my tears turn to joy someday soon.
3 comments:
I am glad you had a good time on vacation. I know it's hard getting back to normal life. I wish we could always be on vacation. I am sorry that things are still tough and want you to know we are continuing to pray for you. Love you so much!
Kourtni has loaned me two of her books on miscarriage and I will gladly mail them to you if you are interested in reading them. But I do not want to push them on you if you do not want them. Let me know. Love you and miss you with my whole heart.
Aww, April I know it is still hard on you, especially with Steph's pregnancy. But you are not forgotten! I still pray for you and several women from our group asked me while you were on vacation "how's April doing" so I did my best to say what I knew. I love you so much, I hate that you're hurting and I can't do much to help it. "I hurt when you hurt". :'( Never forget how much I love you!!!
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